If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
