Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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