he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
