Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
