I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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