I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
