is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
