I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
