Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Randomize
