Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
