i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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