i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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