My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
