She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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