I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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