I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
