i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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