dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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