I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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