Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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