the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
