Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
