my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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