Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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