saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
