My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
