I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
