i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
