When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
