At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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