Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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