So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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