M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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