my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
