Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
