Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
