You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
