lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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