I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
