she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
