No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
