I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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