No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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