Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
