and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this will be a night to untag.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
