Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
