I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
