i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
