grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
