tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
